True Life..I’m Jealous

Do you ever catch re-runs of the True Life shows on MTV?! I remember when I used to pine for the need to be on one. Just the fun ones like “True Life: 21 and Married” or “True Life: My Husband’s an Immigrant” (Canadian apparently didn’t count to MTV.) I definitely didn’t aspire to be on the crazy ones like “True Life: Im 16 and Pregnant” or “True Life” Im Married in HS.” Although, I imagine that’s where the concept of Teen Mom came from! How bout it!?

Anyhoodles, I wasn’t going to blog today…Monday’s are tough behind the desk, and I am saving up some serious blogging for tomorrow!  🙂 And I have a ridiculous lack of caffeine induced headache that is kicking my bootay. But then I checked up on Whitney and caught up on Juliette‘s Blogs (yes, for the record the day is busy one…too busy to blog, but not to read blogs-hehe.)  And quite frankly, I am super jealous of them! With that in mind, I thought I would blurt out my current True Life: Aspiration.

I should make a quick point to mention that I am NOT jealous of the packing part!!! But the moving, count me in.

A large part of me would love to pack up my essentials and cross the country to start fresh somewhere new. I have actually tossed around the idea of packing up my things and heading to Florida to bunk with my cousin and his hubby for a while and trying to start anew down there. Quite the opposite of Whitney who is running away from the warmth and sunshine. Since the separation and divorce they have offered a few times to allow me to come down and get a fresh start down there. (PS…they are incredible guys!) I went down there in February for a long weekend to avoid the drama of having to deal with the settlement exchange (that never actually happened) and they both tried to convince me to stay. Even offering to back my baking business as investors if I were to get something started down there! See what I mean, incredible, right?!

At the same time though, the idea of leaving my friends and family here is terrifying. So, while I am envious of these ladies, I am also very proud of them for making this sort of change. I wish that I could find the nerve to do it. Kudos to them!!

The other part of the equation that makes me super jealous is that they are moving to be with/closer to their loves. All the while I am sitting here wondering what in the heck is going on with Sir.  We have been pretty wishy washy for the last few weeks. I would say its 50/50 both of our faults. He is still just separated with his..ex..I guess. And that bothers me to no end. While I know its not something easy, or something that ends overnight..I just wish every day that something would change there. And finally, I got sick of running myself through the ringer about it and ended things about 2 weeks ago. Since then we have: gone days without speaking, and then spoke hourly for the entire day, both said that we miss eachother, he’s asked me to meet up with him (I told him no), both talked about how much we would like things to be easier, and how much we would like things to work out with us. I spent most of last week in a funk about the whole thing, crying more than I would like to and whining like crazy to the few people the knew about him. Friday night I had a long night to myself, trying not to think about him at all, and partially accomplishing it.

I spent a good amount of time Saturday morning evaluating things and deciding that I was just going to let things be until I got a sign otherwise. Saturday morning, we were texting and he said that he was “sad that I couldn’t come over so we could chat.” Backstory…the boy NEVER talks, he holds his feelings in like no one I have ever known. The idea of him wanting to chat is huge. I dropped what I was doing and told him I would stop over. He made me promise ‘no sadness.’ The entire way there, I told myself that he was going to end things, that he had changed his mind and wanted to try one more time to make things work with his wife. I talked myself into remembering that THIS was the sign that I was looking for and whatever happened, I would be stronger and wiser because of it.

Long story short, sparing all the details. We did talk, I definitely said more than him, but he did talk to me, and that’s a win in my book. It went NOTHING like my pessimistic self had prepped for. He asked me for patience. He told me that nothing had changed with ‘us.’ He said that he missed me and that he does want to make things work. We both agreed that its not easy for either of us. He hugged me and kissed me and made me see stars. If this was my sign…I clearly need to be more specific when asking next time!  LoL I walked to my car more confused than I was when I got there.

I wish that I had a relationship that I was able to put my life on hold for. One that meant so much to me, well, to US that it was worth relocating. Which is ironic considering I said before the DBE and I ever got engaged that I would NEVER relocate to Canada. So, if that was something that was in the cards for him, long term…don’t bother buying a ring!  LoL  Who Knew?! With that in mind, I still don’t know if I could or would relocate for a guy. But I do know, that I would give just about anything to have the sort of love and relationship with someone that would make a decision like that worthy.

I was thinking the other day, after the ump-teenth person suggested that I consider ‘online dating,’… Ps…there are only about 4 people that know about me and Sir (and I think 3 of them hate the idea, and the other is ‘my person’ so he just hugs me and says to be careful, be happy and know that he will kill anyone that hurts me again. But he’s made it clear that he isn’t Sir’s biggest fan)…so everyone else has dating suggestions, advice, etc. And I would say that 8 out of 10 suggestion some sort of website. While, I have seen them work, and I know that people find their soul-mates, I just don’t think that I’m up for that just yet. But anyhoo, I was thinking about it the other day and it crossed my mind, that online dating would be the best way to meet someone far away, and potentially set my sites on a new location. About 2.5 seconds later, I realized how crazy that was, and that if I suggested to my Dad of all people that I was going to pick up and move to another state for a GUY, he may shoot him.  LoL

At the end of the day, I cannot wait to hear about the adventures that Juliette and Whitney have upon moving and re-starting their lives. I hope that one day I am as strong and lovestruck as they are!  🙂

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