Humpday Confessions

This week has been taking SOOO long to get over! I think I’ve gotten accustomed to short weeks, and this one is just kicking my butt. Mind you, I am leaving at noon on Friday, so its technically still a short one. I dunno how in the world I am going to get through FIVE 8hour days next week! Yikes.

Vodka and Soda

…I was not a huge fan of Bachelor in Paradise. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Bachelor/Bachelorette, and the crazed drama that comes along with it. I’m not sure why, but I just couldn’t get into BiP. I mean, I watched it, weekly, but was a little happy when it ended this week. I heard it got picked up for a season two…I’ll probably watch it-LoL, But in the meantime, why do I have to wait until JANUARY to see Chris on The Bachelor??

images

…Speaking of Chris, I ended things with Sir last night. 😦  I hate everything about it, but I feel like it was the only thing I could do at this point. There was a lot happening with both of us before we started this thing that we had..I still don’t really know if it was a relationship or what. (After 6 months, I should have!) Long Story Short… I had just gotten out of a marriage that ended in my husband cheating for who knows how long. He was separated from his wife after being unhappy for the duration of their actual marriage. I had a hard time with the separation thing at first, I didn’t want to have anything to do with it unless something was finalized. After lots of talks with Sir, I was convinced that I was not a terrible person for wanting to try things out with him. Looking back now, I know that I should have known better. I know that there is a lot more to his separation that just him and her. There are kids (his… not hers,) a house, a business, etc. So, I know its not cut and dry.

But I really like him, after dating him in high school, it was easy to fall back into things with him. After 6 months though, nothing has changed with his situation.  😦 And THEY took the kids out of town for the weekend. I broke down. I realized that I was being naïve, I was ignoring the real picture and letting my feelings cloud my mind. I literally fell apart to my dear friend Matt on Sunday night and he took it like a champ. He reminded me that I deserve better. He also said something that hit home. He said that the person I was being in that moment (I was being pretty hard on myself) is NOT who I am. And he’s right…and for the record, I told him that he was right  🙂  I am not a person that thinks negative all the time, I am not someone that tears myself down, I am not a person that cries herself to sleep on the regular. I mean, I cry a lot…but that’s a whole other story. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to smile, and I deserve to be someone’s ONLY girl. I spent too much time before being the DBE’s 2nd thought, and I cant keep doing that with Sir.

So, last night, I messaged him (99% of our communication is via text. LOL) and told him that while I really like him and I really wanted this to work, I just cant do it anymore. I laid it all out there, I took responsibility for the fact that I knew what I was getting into, and its not all his fault, but I just cant feel like this anymore. I told him that in a perfect world we can try this again when everything with his separation/divorce is solidified and I really hope that we can.  It literally breaks my heart that I haven’t heard anything from him.

…that, up there was not how I meant for this post to go. LOL Please excuse me while I restart this post to something a little less emotionally draining.

…I am going to see Tim McGraw on Friday with my mom, aunts, sister and cousin! I can’t wait. Although, I am a little sad that its not Garth Brooks.

…I cant tell you the last time that I made an actual meal for dinner. I have just been so darn busy. I went to the grocery store and bought FOOD last night, so that I can start cooking again. And then, I made a frozen pizza for dinner! LOL

…I cannot WAIT for Fall TV to start! Bring on new episodes of Chicago Fire, NCIS, Chicago PD, Greys…I could go on and on.

…I hate being alone.

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